Commander Shepard, Space Marine (Or the Show that Kaidan Hates)
by Morninglight
Summary: He's humanity's first Spectre. She's the star of a popular kitschy Alliance military drama. Together, they fight the guys who blew up the best sushi place in town! (Or what happens when someone challenges me to write Mass Effect as a Galaxy Quest-type show and I decide to make elements of it the equivalent of Star Trek within the Mass Effect universe). Triggers for suicide and PTSD


Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Blame someone in the Mass Effect Fanfiction Writers Facebook group for posting this idea: "Watching Galaxy Quest and imagining an AU where the whole Mass Effect is just a TV show..." I received her permission to treat it as a kinkmeme request with my own spin. Features my head-canon Shepard Regan from Bedlam, only a lot less troubled, and in this AU Kaidan is the first human Spectre; this follows the Citadel storyline loosely and Reapers don't exist outside of the TV show. Trigger warning for violence, implied PTSD, survivor's guilt and suicide.

…

"Commander Shepard, we're under attack from batarian slavers!"

Major Kaidan Alenko rolled his eyes as the overwrought dialogue from what Lieutenant James Vega pleased to call entertainment boomed from downstairs. The man was a superior soldier with decent taste in beer who had earned his place in the N7 programme (and unknowingly, candidacy for the Spectres) fairly but surely there were better military dramas than the trite blatant propaganda that was _Commander Shepard, Space Marine._ If Kaidan had known _this_ was what Vega was going to use his big screen for, he might have refused the man's perfectly reasonable request to borrow it for an afternoon during their week-long downtime while the Normandy was getting fixed up for another big mission.

He made the mistake of looking over the railing that separated the mezzanine hung with asari art that Admiral Anderson, who had sold the apartment to Kaidan after deciding to settle down back in London with Kaylee Saunders when the war was over, had collected over the years. Much to the Spectre's despair, Garrus and Tali were also sitting down with Vega and watching the hapless red shirt Marine get blasted through with the fakest Batarian rifles he'd ever seen. He was pretty certain his friends had better taste than that.

"I remember when Commander Shepard was male," the quarian engineer noted.

"That was John Shepard. Got spaced in between seasons because of a pay dispute between the actor and the Alliance," Vega explained breezily. "Then it was his sister Jane, a hot-blooded red-haired renegade to his cool blue-eyed paragon before she was killed by Reapers on a suicide mission in the show because she wanted to be a real-life mercenary instead. Now it's their Australian cousin Regan, a woman from the wrong side of the tracks who joined the military to escape the gangs and found herself a hero."

Okay, Kaidan could see why the current Commander Shepard would appeal to Vega, as that was pretty much the arms master's life story. But not even the Alliance took Commander Shepard seriously anymore despite it being one of the highest-grossing military dramas in Council space. Of all the creative works humanity had produced, it had to be this crap – which blatantly borrowed from _Star Trek_ and its various properties – that outstripped Shakespeare in popularity.

"I have to admit, Regan is the superior Commander Shepard," Garrus observed as he drank some turian soft drink. "John was okay but a bit bland and Jane was hot yet disturbingly… uh… unstable. Regan's got grit to her and her character's a bit more… real, I guess."

Kaidan rolled his eyes once more as 'Commander Shepard' came onto the screen, glowing with vivid sea-blue biotics, and scattered the 'Batarians' with a Throw. If only his enemies would scatter like bowling pins when he used it.

He had to grant that Garrus was right: John was standard Caucasian male in appearance, the stereotypical square-jawed Marine, while Jane looked more like a supermodel than a soldier despite her freckles and one fetching little scar. Regan actually looked like she'd been in more than one firefight with the spray of white scars across one cheek, a broken snub nose and a thin, wiry frame that would have just slid above the minimum weight for a Marine candidate. Colouring-wise, she was blue-eyed like John, though her eyes were darker, and her chin-length hair was a light reddish-blonde that poetically could be called red-gold but was really bordering on pale orange.

"Bag 'em and tag 'em," she ordered the helmeted soldiers behind her. "Drinks are on me."

"Now _that_ is what a commander should be!" Vega crowed. "Lead 'em to the battlefield or the bar!"

"I invited you to Ryuusei but you wanted to watch this drek instead," Kaidan called out, a little nettled by his comment.

"I wasn't saying you weren't that kind of commander," Vega retorted. "Ryuusei's a little too…"

"Classy?" Garrus suggested sardonically.

"_Yuppie_ for me, I was going to say," Vega finished smoothly after glaring at the turian. "I'm a simple man with simple tastes, Major."

"You can't get much simpler than _Commander Shepard,_" Kaidan agreed.

"It's not as wretched as the quarians' equivalent," Tali said defensively. "Kami'Gahrok vas Nihim is a terrible Mary Sue. At least Commander Shepard has flaws."

Kaidan decided that discretion was the better part of valour as there was no arguing with bad taste. "I'm leaving now," he announced. "Don't stay up for me."

"Trust me, I won't," Vega retorted before turning his attention to Commander Shepard wearing nothing but a singlet and sweatpants being checked out by a doctor. Kaidan noted absently that she had a faded gang tattoo on her right shoulder and small, well-formed curves.

He exited Tiberius Towers and entered the glittering Silversun Strip, the Citadel's version of Las Vegas. Ryuusei was an exclusive sushi restaurant that catered to all the known races and was staffed by not one but three galaxy-famous chefs: a human, an asari and a turian. Kaidan sighed, feeling the weight of the world slide off his shoulders. The paparazzi would kill to get into Ryuusei but the rather large krogan bouncer they employed didn't allow it. He could just sit down and have a meal with Joker.

Of course, being the first human Spectre, he was ushered inside as people lining up and complaining to the bouncer complained. Kaidan inhaled the freshly filtered air inside the restaurant, his fine Armani suit no longer a shade too hot, and sighed in relief.

"Hey Major," greeted Joker, already seated at a corner table. "Guess you need to save the Council to get a reservation here."

Kaidan sat down, frowning slightly. "I thought _you_ made the reservation."

"Wasn't me, but who cares? We're in Ryuusei!" Joker adjusted his cap as a waiter with the fakest French accent Kaidan had ever heard wandered over.

"What would you be having, sir?"

"Wow, this _is_ fancy – fake French accent fancy," Joker observed in a stage whisper.

Kaidan glared at him, but not too hard in case he accidently broke the pilot's brittle bones, before looking to the waiter. "I'll have the salmon-"

"Hey, what the-" The maitre d' yelped as some armoured soldiers burst in, guns raised.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Tonight's entertainment has been brought to you by random acts of violence!" one of them announced, firing his gun in the air to make a point.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Joker muttered as he slid down under the table. Everyone else ran and screamed.

Electric-blue sparks forced the soldier to drop his gun as Kaidan used Overload on him, following up with a Reave that drained the latent biotic field all living creatures had while strengthening the Spectre. "You should leave," he advised, body glowing with his unique sky-blue biotics.

"Suppression fire! Take down the target!" commanded the soldier just before he died.

The fight ended with Kaidan crashing through the aquarium floor as it was shot out under him and another patron, a redhead in a black dress; despite his cuts and scrapes, he cradled her in a biotic barrier, an innocent victim of the assassins who'd come to murder him. They fell through the levels and as the steel girders rushed towards him, Kaidan wished that he'd stayed home and watched _Commander Shepard._

…

His eyes cracked open as something wet wiped at his face.

"You look like shit," the woman said gently, her Australian accent thick and pleasant with her husky voice. Kaidan felt the buzz of the sea-blue biotics that blazed around her form as she retrieved a few shards of glass embedded in his skin and sealed them with medi-gel dispensed from her omnitool.

"I once took a charging krogan to my face," he managed to answer, lips quirking in a pained smile. "You think I look bad now, you should have seen me before."

"Your official profile didn't mention you were a stand-up comedian in addition to a Spectre," she observed dryly.

"I joined the Spectres because it wasn't as brutal as the comedy circuit," Kaidan quipped as she helped him sit up. "I'm sorry you were caught up in this, ma'am. A lot of people want me dead."

"Sure they were for you? Because some of them shot at me and if the weekly comments on my extranet page are anything to go by, any number of random people would love to see me shot," she answered wryly.

"Maybe it's a two-for-one deal? They weren't wearing any merc uniform I knew." Kaidan staggered to his feet, wincing against the neon glow which filtered through the protective shutters. "I'm sorry to ask this, but can you use your biotics in a combat situation? I have to assume multiple hostiles and-"

"I'm a piss-weak L3," she interrupted with a sigh. "Did some time in the Alliance until I was shot in the back during the Skyllian Blitz. Veterans' Affairs being what it is, I have the cheapest replacement vertebrae available. Unless or until we can find a sniper's rifle or grenades, I'm reduced to hiding behind you and patching you up from afar."

Kaidan nodded tightly. "Let's go find a sniper rifle then. It's time for some payback."

Some of the unknown mercs soon obliged and it turned out that in addition to being a medic, the lady could Overload their weapons. She seemed to be either an incredibly weak Sentinel-class biotic or perhaps an Infiltrator-class engineer with very weak natural biotics. Once she picked up some grenades and a sniper rifle, she was accounting for as many of the assholes as Kaidan was. Bad back or not, he was impressed.

They eventually made it to a used-car dealer where a poor volus cowered behind bulletproof glass and Vega came swaggering up in full armour. "Shoulda stayed home and watched _Commander Shepard_," he chided smugly.

Kaidan refrained from agreeing as he ran his hand through hair that was a tousled dust-and-gelled mess. "I need to get back to Liara and figure out who the hell wants me dead," he began, only to find the good Lieutenant staring at his female companion like she was the Holy fucking Grail.

"_Madre di Dios_, it can't be!"

In the better light of the carpark, Kaidan finally got a good look at his companion, a woman who'd held her own despite an injured back. He noted the red-gold hair, spray of white scars on her cheek and broken snub nose as her features tightened in wry exasperation.

"Yes, it is," the actress who played Commander Regan Shepard answered with a sigh. "Can we wait until all the bad men are dead before I autograph something?"

Sometimes Kaidan got the feeling the universe really, really hated him.

…

"Look on the bright side. At least she can hold her own in combat," Liara observed gently as Kaidan swallowed his second bottle of beer.

"I know. Just… hell, maybe it's my ego. Real Marines bust their arses every day without recognition and some goddamn shit show's main character gets fan mail from fucking hanar!"

Liara regarded him calmly. "Regan _was_ a real Marine. Made it to N2 before a Batarian sniper got her in the back at Elysium."

Somehow that made Kaidan feel worse. Retired veterans who were discharged because of injury were entitled to do whatever it took for a crust and at least Regan (her real name, no less) was serving the Alliance. But he remembered Ash, dead on Virmire, and Jenkins, dead on Eden Prime…

"You haven't gotten over Eden Prime or Virmire, have you?" Liara noted far too accurately. The Shadow Broker was too perceptive for Kaidan's comfort despite being one of his best friends.

"No, I haven't. First Saren and now Cerberus…" Kaidan sighed. "I know we need stupid escapism, but…"

Downstairs, Regan was answering eager questions from Vega, Garrus and Tali while looking like she wanted to be elsewhere. Zaeed, Wrex and Javik were running through the databases to see who those mercs were while EDI and Joker were snuggled up on the lounge. Samara had arrived shortly after the ruckus occurred and now climbed up the stairs towards him, Grunt standing guard by the door and refusing to let Jack in because he was an ass like that.

"Miranda and Jacob are unable to join us," she announced calmly. The Justicar was as beautiful and haunting as always, her ice-blue eyes orbs of fathomless serenity and wisdom. Kaidan wondered what part of the Code covered a situation like this.

"We can do without them," Kaidan answered. "We need to discover the target-"

"It appears to be Regan Shepard. I took the liberty of hunting down some of these CAT6 mercenaries and… questioning them," the asari matriarch interjected serenely.

"Thanks, Samara." Kaidan rubbed his temples, feeling a migraine coming on. "And you're about to tell me that there's something in the Code which compels you to kill me if I don't help her despite it not being my problem."

"It became your problem when mercenaries shot at an innocent woman in a crowded restaurant," Samara retorted softly. "Has she done you some personal wrong that needs to be rectified?"

"Yes. I… No." Kaidan flushed with shame.

"The Major has some justifiable resentment over the fact that thousands of active Marines bust their arses daily and get sweet fuck all while a has-been like me plays a Spectre on the vids and gets fan mail from hanar," Regan said, having walked up silently while he was focused on Samara.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so harsh-"

"Harsh, Major? You haven't seen harsh until you read the crap people post on my extranet page." Regan's voice was weary. "I know who does the real work, Major. But everyone wants a hero instead of a committee in a time of crisis. That's why you're the poster boy of the Alliance and I play a Spectre on the vids."

The truth in those words stung. Kaidan always tried to remind others of the sacrifices that got him here – Jenkins, Ash, Thane during the Cerberus invasion of the Citadel – but it was always Major Alenko, the first human Spectre!

"Okay," he conceded. "You're right and I'm sorry for being an ass to you. Just don't ask me to like your show because it's still shit."

"Of course it is," she responded with a broad grin he could only describe as Australian – unapologetically not giving a shit about his accurate description of the show. "Alliance PR writes it. I just read the lines."

Kaidan found himself startled into laughter. Then he sobered. "I have to bring C-Sec into this. A public assassination of a high-profile target at a popular location…"

"Pretty much means we're playing for keeps. Got it." Regan's scarred face – surprisingly photogenic in its striking way – assumed the steely-eyed determination he recalled from every damn Marine he'd ever seen. "Let's kick some arse."

For once, Kaidan was happy enough to take orders from a fake Spectre who starred in the kitschiest show ever produced, because he felt the same way.

…

"…I hate parties."

Kaidan threw her a strange glance as they looked down over the gambling floor of the Silver Coast Casino like lords of the manor observing their peasants. "You must be going to the wrong ones," he observed in that velvet-on-stone voice of his.

"It's the parties where people pretend to give a shit about others but are really only here to say 'I can piss away a thousand credits on a ticket and snort red sand in a gilded toilet' I despise," Regan answered bitterly. "In my part of the Brisbane Coast, a thousand credits was the price for a person's life."

The Spectre winced and glanced away. Everyone knew Kaidan Alenko's background: L2 biotic born to a military father and businesswoman mother, unrelentingly middle class despite his tragic backstory at the Brain Camp. Hero of Elysium, the man who hunted down and executed the rogue Spectre Saren during the Battle of the Citadel, and Number One on Cerberus' shit list. Clean-cut and good-looking poster boy for the Alliance.

The tragic thing was that Kaidan lived up to his Boy Scout reputation. Without hesitation he'd thrown a barrier over her as the floor was shot up beneath them, shielding her instead of himself.

"I'm sorry," she said, faking one of her stiff smiles in case the paparazzi looked their way. "Hypocrisy pisses me off and this room is swimming in it."

"It's okay. We can both agree on that." Kaidan smiled and held out his hand. "Since we're the distraction, shall we go and dazzle the crowd with our dancing skills?"

While Maya Brooks – an Alliance Staff Analyst pulled in because Regan was technically a military asset – snuck in through the pipes, Garrus and Tali worked the lower floor looking for techno-thingies while she and Kaidan impressed the rich folks upstairs. Apparently the Khan bloke who owned this place was funding the CAT6 mercs who tried to kill her. Regan guessed he blamed her for the fact that _Commander Shepard, Space Marine_ was unremittingly shite.

"I can't dance," she warned the handsome Marine.

"Everyone can dance. They just need to find their natural rhythm," he answered sagely, taking her hand and leading her to the dance floor.

Kaidan, being a basically decent human being, said nothing about the amount of times she stepped on his toes in heels during the dance though his warm brown eyes were a bit tight in the corners by the time they were done. Around them the other celebrities murmured and no doubt any number of 'close and intimate sources' would carry the tale to ghouls like Khalisah bint Sinan al-Jilani about their raging love affair.

"Sorry," she apologised in his ear once they were done, both for his feet and the rumours that would feed the media's gaping maw for a few weeks.

"You did warn me," he answered with a wry smile. When he put down the cross on his back for a few moments, Regan could see why he was repeatedly the cover of Alliance Hunks year calendar.

_If that Batarian hadn't shot me in the back, I'd have served on the Normandy,_ she reflected with a hint of sad pride. David Anderson had been her mentor, just as he had with Kaidan, and she had a bright future ahead of her as an N2 three years into service despite being a piss-weak biotic and adequate Infiltrator-class Marine.

_Now I'm a piss-weak actor in a shit show,_ she thought wryly as Kaidan led her from the dance floor, tongues wagging around them. She hoped he wasn't limping.

"You handled yourself well in the Wards," he murmured as Tali beeped on their omnitools to let them know they were ready to proceed. "I should have said something sooner."

Regan smiled thinly. "Thanks. Vega going all fanboy probably didn't help."

That had been awkward. The Marine was one of the best soldiers she'd ever seen in combat, worthy of his place in the N7 programme, and he treated her like some demigoddess because she was on the vids.

Before they met up with Tali and Garrus, she murmured, "Thanks for keeping me alive, Major. I would have been paralysed by that fall if not for your barrier."

Kaidan smiled sideways at her and replied, "You're welcome… _Commander_."

…

"Well, shit. He's dead and we're back to square one."

"Actually, we're not," Brooks said optimistically. The woman was far too chirpy for Regan's liking and not just because she was the human incarnation of bitter cynicism. She was trying _too_ hard in the Kaidan Alenko fangirl department despite reportedly being assigned to help find out who wanted Regan dead.

_I know fancreatures and she's not one. At least, not for Kaidan._ "Okay then, where are we then?"  
>Brooks smiled. "Major Alenko, we need you to use your Spectre status to access the Citadel Archives. <em>Everything<em> is stored there."

"While the threat to Regan is great, I doubt it requires that-"

"Elijah Khan made some very big deals with CAT6 over the past week," Liara, who was some kind of information broker now, interrupted. "Most of them involved mechs and heavy weapons."

Regan threw up her hands. "I get it, I'm a shit actress in a shit show! Hundreds of people tell me that weekly! Shooting the shit out of a restaurant to express that sentiment is going a bit too far!"

"You are a spokesperson for the Alliance with a heavy fanbase outside of Terran space," Brooks repeated, tone suddenly harsh. "Hundreds of thousands look up to you as an example, however fictitious, of what humanity could and should be. There are _plenty_ of reasons to kill you, Regan, from the ideological to the practical."

"Finding out you'd really been a Marine made my day," Vega added in a softer tone. "I mean, you're hot and all, but most of the Alliance military dramas have Boy Scout folks like Kaidan – no offence there, Major – as their heroes. Don't see too many folk from our side of the street as heroes unless it's as some damn red shirt most of the time. John was meh, Jane was hot but crazy, but you're popular because you have flaws but keep on ticking anyway."

Regan folded her arms, recalling the day Admiral Anderson had approached her as she recovered in a VA hospital. When he'd suggested she take the role as Commander Shepard, she'd laughed for a good three or four minutes, hysterically until she realised he was serious. It had taken a few weeks to convince her and truth be told, it had been the looming spectre of medical bills for physical therapy above and beyond what VA would cover that convinced her, not even the charismatic Admiral.

It had been difficult to master the basics of acting as a high-functioning autistic, something she kept to herself a lot (though it was on Alliance medical records of course), and finally she just went fuck it and stuck to who she'd been before Elysium. She paid for her therapy and donated most of the rest to veterans' charities, trying not to gag at the bitterness in their eyes as she went swanning around playing a Spectre and most of them were shattered in body and soul. CAT6 was probably full of folks who wanted her dead just for that.

But she'd never considered that outside of the fancreatures and haters, she was a spokesperson. Still… "But why kill a bunch of folk? Ryuusei was full of innocent people who had nothing to do with me."

Kaidan exchanged glances with Joker. "There was also the reservation for Joker and I, one neither of us made. Perhaps it was meant to be one fell swoop: get all the Alliances spokespeople at once."

Vega scratched his chin. "I got a thought. We're at war, even if no one will admit it, with Cerberus. Regan as Commander Shepard is pretty damn pro-Council and we all know you sacrificed eight cruisers to rescue the Destiny Ascension at the Battle of the Citadel, Kaidan. Take out two of the biggest pro-alien people and…"

Regan exchanged a glance with Kaidan. "Some anti-alien stuff's been sneaking into the scripts but I put my foot down and refused to act it," she said slowly. "And some of the Tenth Street Reds I knew back home are in Cerberus now 'cause the gang went human supremacist."

"It makes an ugly amount of sense," Garrus agreed.

"Which means that if it _is_ Cerberus and I _was_ targeted, then I have full reason to access the Archives," Kaidan observed quietly. "Liara, can you lend Regan your spare set of armour? Garrus, she'll need your second-best sniper rifle too. I can't leave her here and she can carry her own in a firefight."

The asari and turian immediately complied as Regan's fists clenched. The old battle instincts were firing up as she prepared and despite the little click in her back that came from her weakest point, she felt a fierce joy at proving herself to these consummate professionals… and Kaidan's quiet acknowledgement of her skill.

_If Cerberus wants us, they'll have to work hard to get us,_ she thought fiercely. _So bring on your worst, arseholes._

…

"Note to self: don't tempt fate by daring Cerberus to bring on their worst."

Despite their dire situation, Kaidan had to laugh a little at Regan's wry tone as they shared a hidden archive box which would likely be their tomb. It was that or be stunned at the depth of Brooks' manipulation and betrayal or the fact that the former Commander Shepard who still called herself Jane was working hand-in-hand with the renegade Cerberus operative.

"If that's the best Cerberus can do, I'm embarrassed we were gulled so neatly," he admitted, reaching for and taking her hand. At least they wouldn't die alone. Not like Ash or Jenkins-

_I failed again._ It hit him hard that once again, a good person would die because he wasn't fast enough, strong enough, smart enough. He wasn't enough. Anderson would die, trapped on Earth, because he couldn't break the Cerberus blockade…

Kaidan made a harsh noise as he activated his biotics, illuminating the cylinder's interior with a sky-blue glow. She wouldn't die in darkness at least. He owed her that much; Ashley had gone with a funeral pyre worthy of the hero she was and Jenkins at least died at home.

The biotics cast a strange glow on Regan's broad, blunt features, her own biotics flaring up in a sea-blue shadow to his brighter ones. Wreathed in a corona of light, she seemed otherworldly, the concern on her features almost divine. Though she couldn't see it for herself, at that moment he understood why she was considered the best Commander Shepard: what she felt, she felt intensely and honestly, and it communicated in that open face of hers.

"It's okay, we'll get out," she promised gently.

"This isn't your damned show!" he retorted, harsher than he should have. "You're going to die here because I'm a fucking failure!"

Hurt flashed across her face and he inwardly kicked himself. She was trying to help him, to comfort him in their last hour or so, and he'd spat in her face. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I should have been smarter, should have seen through Brooks…"

"I thought she was a bit off because she was trying too hard to be a Kaidan Alenko fangirl," Regan admitted. "I should have said something. So yeah, me who fucked up."

"It's not your fault-"

"If it's not my fault, then it's not yours." Regan's voice was low and intense in the biotic glow of their combined fields. "I used to blame myself for getting shot in the back until my therapist pointed out that unless I had eyes in the back of my head, I'd have never seen that sniper. You weren't counting on Saren showing up at Virmire and _nobody_ expected geth at Eden Prime."

Kaidan sighed. "You're right about Jenkins, but… I had the choice between Ashley and Tali. Ashley was overseeing communications and Tali was arming the bomb. I… went for Tali because she was just some kid on her Pilgrimage who was caught up in this crap because she came across information accidentally."

"Whereas Ashley signed on knowing she could die."

"Yeah." Kaidan sighed again. It felt good talking to Regan in the comforting glow, her hand in his. "And now the Williams' name has been redeemed while Tali's a quarian admiral now."

"And Wrex is the krogan king, Liara's a badass information broker, Garrus is second-in-command to the turian Primarch, Jack's a teacher…" Regan smiled slightly. "And I've gone from has-been to a temporary Marine again. You've a knack for bringing out the best in people, Kaidan Alenko."

"You're not a has-been, even if the show's shit." Kaidan would maintain that until he died.

"I still think rabid fancreatures are behind this," she insisted. "Have you seen the crap they can post?"

Kaidan laughed softly. "Why do you think I'm a Spectre instead of a stand-up comedian? It's less dangerous."

Regan echoed his laugh. "You know, if this were my show, we'd be rescued by now."

He smiled, this time sadly. "If only it was. At least neither of us will be alone…"

Her fingers tightened around his. "Kaidan…"

The Spectre pressed his fingers to her lips. He wanted to enjoy the feeling of his biotics meshed with another's, hands entwined, in silence. He only regretted that there wasn't enough space to kiss a woman he realised he found attractive.

The moment was interrupted by a beep from her omnitool. Regan pressed a button on it to bring up Glyph, Liara's VI assistant. "Ah, you're alive. Good," the VI said. "I assume you wish to be freed?"

"Not a word," Kaidan rasped to her as Regan enthusiastically said, "Yes."

…

"What the fuck is your malfunction?"

It was a fair question Regan asked of Jane Shepard as they duked it out on the open cargo ramp of the Normandy, Kaidan being too busy fighting Maya Brooks while the rest of the team mopped up CAT6. The faux Staff Analyst was a deadly fighter able to match him in speed and skill, her Overloads a danger to his implants that he had to dodge on a regular basis. Regan and Jane, he saw from one quick glance, were engaged in a sniper's duel behind opposing boxes.

"You could have stood up for humanity!" Jane spat in retort. "Instead you took what I built and turned it into an alien arse-kissing fest!"

"They kicked you out of active duty after Torfan!" Regan answered flatly, biotics flaring around her body as she rummaged around in her armour's beltpouch for a grenade. Kaidan had noted her meagre biotic abilities were nevertheless precise, allowing her to place grenades exactly where she wanted them or enhance her ammo just like Thane had.

"I executed every Batarian fool enough to attack Elysium!" Jane snarled. "And Anderson called me a monster!"

"I wonder why?" Regan lobbed over a grenade and guided it biotically to the box before it detonated.

The explosion destroyed the cargo box and threw Jane back, but the experienced soldier managed to keep her balance and respond with a vanguard's charge. It destroyed the box and shoved Regan back against the wall with an ugly crack.

"Was that your cheap spinal implant?" Jane asked snidely as she walked over, triumph making what was a beautiful face truly ugly. "I can't believe I was replaced by some has-been with a broken back."

Liara used Singularity to gather the last of the CAT6 mercs together before shooting them one-by-one calmly. "You were told to pursue the life of a mercenary because your human supremacist views were at odds with the virtues that the Alliance wished to promulgate," she corrected, a professor educating a particularly recalcitrant student. "Regan… Well, I'm no fan of _Commander Shepard, Space Marine,_ but I can see why she replaced you."

Jane turned on Liara and gathered herself for another charge… Only to be hit squarely in the back with Regan's last grenade that she detonated immediately. The vanguard scrabbled for a handhold as her legs gave out from under her, hand outstretched as Maya looked away from Kaidan to see her ally sliding towards her death.

"Maya! Help me!"

Brooks took one look at Jane before bolting for the Kodiak. Kaidan swore and went after her as Regan struggled to her feet, the power-bar at the back of Liara's loaned armour sparking uselessly.

"I'll need to be cut out of this," she said as she limped towards the sliding Jane, heavy cords flicking towards her. Miracle of miracles, Regan managed to catch her at the edge, kneeling down to offer a hand.

"You need help," she said sincerely. "Take my hand-"

"Go fuck yourself. You've taken it all from me – why don't you have my life too?"

And Jane deliberately used her biotics to shove herself off the ramp. Regan held out her hand uselessly before turning away to see Brooks almost at the door.

"Kaidan!"

He spun around, biotics flaring up as he caught the fleeing traitor and dragged her back. "It's over, Brooks, give it up."

Garrus, still the C-Sec officer at his core, produced a pair of omni-cuffs that he slapped on Brooks' wrists. She smirked at Kaidan, tossing back her long dark hair. "It's not over by a long shot, Major. I'll be seeing you again."

"I'd stop trying to hack your cuffs if I were you," Tali advised dryly.

Brooks, like Jane, didn't know when to give up. As she hacked her cuffs and tried to run for it, Liara shot her in the back and then made sure of her with a bullet to the head.

Kaidan looked away, unable to bear the waste of a talented woman. What was Cerberus doing to these people to make them so fucked up?

Regan limped up to him as Joker finally managed to close the cargo ramp. "What a mess," the actress sighed. "Truth that real life is stranger than fiction."

"Tell me about," Kaidan agreed heavily. "Just… what a waste. When Ash was talking about being pro-human, I knew she wasn't a supremacist; she just believed it was sapient nature to put your own race first. And to a certain extent, she was right. I remember the name of every ship I sent to die for the Council. I remember Mordin, who died to repair the mistakes of his people, and Thane, who died protecting the Council. The Council's not perfect but it's better than somewhere like the Terminus Systems. At least here every race has a voice."

"Yeah." Regan looked back at the closed door, expression deeply weary. "I was where she was for a while. Hating aliens because one left me a wreck and ruined my military career. Physical therapist helped; she was married to an asari who was always decent to me even when I said some pretty nasty things. Cerberus used to do rounds of the VA wards and offer jobs with full benefits… including full cybernetic repairs. Big deal to the broken soldiers there."

"Why didn't you take it?" Kaidan asked slowly.

Regan threw a glance his way. "The recruiter was an old gang 'friend' named Finch. Never could stand the guy so I told 'em to stuff it."

"Thank God for Cerberus having poor taste in recruiters." The joke fell flat as Joker brought them back around to the Alliance docking bay. There were a lot of corpses to bury.

"The Alliance is a fucking mess but it's better than the alternative," Regan finally said. "That's why I keep on going even though I'm a lousy actress from a lousy show."

"I can't vouch for your acting skills and from what you've said, the writing's pretty horrible on _Commander Shepard_," Kaidan answered gently. "But I think you, yourself, are a damned fine spokesperson for the Alliance."

"For a man with absolutely no taste in military propaganda, you're a damned fine spokesperson for the Alliance yourself," Regan said, managing a smile that was small but genuine.

Kaidan matched her smile. "Thanks… Commander Shepard."

"You're welcome, Major Alenko."

…

"I hate parties."

It was another soiree for the overly entitled to pretend they gave a shit about poor people, this time the reconstruction efforts for the survivors of the Cerberus War. Three years later and they were still rebuilding despite massive donations from the rest of the galaxy. The Council still remembered its debt to the race that saved them.

Regan leaned against the railing at the Silver Coast Casino and regretted her presence being required here for the sake of diplomacy. The current role she held was one she never expected but when a replacement for Donnel Udina had been floated by the Council, some wag had suggested Commander Shepard and here she was. Miranda Lawson, a former Cerberus operative who'd defected to Kaidan's side after some incident involving actions that were too grim for even her to justify, was now her social advisor because someone had dug around and discovered her autism. And they _still_ made her humanity's representative to the Council!

"You must be going to the wrong ones," rasped a familiar voice from behind her.

"Hello, Kaidan. Playing social butterfly again? Or is there another psychotic ex-actress and Cerberus agent wanting to kill us?"

"I thought I'd come here and have my feet impaled by heels a couple dozen times for old times' sake."

Regan huffed a laugh. Scars still lingered from that traumatic night, including the look on Jane's face as she willingly fell. When the brass had wanted to write it into the plot of Commander Shepard, only with a crazed clone replacing Jane, Regan had walked out for real. She was willing to stand up for the Alliance but not to whitewash tragedies like what happened here three years ago.

"Actually, I'm having a party at my place. All the gang's there." Regan turned to face the biotic curiously. He was still ridiculously handsome but his black hair had prematurely greyed and lines of grief bracketed his deep brown eyes. Kaidan had led the final push against the Cerberus forces – supplemented by heretic geth – at London and watched Admiral Anderson die at the hands of the Illusive Man. That aged a person.

"So why are you here then?"

Kaidan smiled. "There's a member of the crew missing: Commander Shepard."

"Don't come the raw prawn with me, Alenko. I fought with you guys for a night."

"And earned a hell of a lot of respect from everyone there." Kaidan tilted his head, looking a little uncertain. "Unless you don't want to come. It's been a long day for you, I imagine…"

Regan heaved herself up from the railing, spine and knee replacements clicking. Jane had managed to damage her knee to the point of needing a new one and it seemed that someone had found the money to pay for an upgrade to her spinal implant as well. Liara had simply said something about "her share of Brooks' assets" and refused to elaborate. The ex-actress decided to not look a better spine vertebra in the mouth.

_For all I know, she's the Shadow Broker,_ Regan thought dryly as she said aloud, "Nah, I'll come. They don't even sell a decent beer here."

Kaidan's smile deepened. "I have some Hair of the Dingo craft beer from the Brisbane Coast."

"How'd you find out my favourite beer?" she demanded, eyes narrowing.

That smile became a grin. "I'm a Spectre and I have my sources."

"Bastard," she retorted affectionately.

"Guilty as charged." Regan was close enough to feel his biotics, a hum of power that rubbed against her skin like the velvet of his voice. Her far weaker abilities tingled in response and she wondered what it would be like to rub against him like a cat.

"I'll even watch _Commander Shepard, Space Marine_ if you come," he promised huskily, brown eyes burning with promise.

Regan leaned over and replied, "If you're a good boy, Major Alenko, you might get to watch Commander Shepard come."

Kaidan's smile was a slow thing that ignited her tingling into full-blown shivers of desire. "I'd like that."

As she accepted his arm and left the Silver Coast Casino, Regan wondered if Kaidan realised that sometimes happy endings did happen outside of the vids. If not, she'd have to show him.


End file.
